farters have to be the big spoon...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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