So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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