just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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