is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
