If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
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