It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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