You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wish they made helmets for livers.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Success! We fucked roommates!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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