sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
