PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
