I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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