my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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