Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
he puts the penis in happiness.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
