If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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