you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize