just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Randomize
