i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
