what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
