i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
