I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
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I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
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Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Who died my cat blue again?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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