I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
