If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
