idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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