i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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