I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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