He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
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i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
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Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
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