she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
me + whiskey = a bad person
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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