we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
