i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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