so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
