drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
