Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
