Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
