you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
