And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize