So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She told me I should be a condom model.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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