It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
