I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
