i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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