you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
