God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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