I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
How naked do you want me to be?
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