Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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