I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
