yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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