You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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