Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
All I want is dick and wine.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
