GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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