You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
