I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
