we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
