so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
