walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
