About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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