i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
