i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
