Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
