No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
