When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
