We're facebook friends in real life
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
