I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
