Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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