I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
