well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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