he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
