Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
