Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
