She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
