i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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