on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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