I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
