Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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