Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
