I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
