I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
