You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
