Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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