Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
