I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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