we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
