What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
