Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
