Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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