Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
