She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
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