The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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